LET THEM KNOW WHERE THEY STAND NO MATTER WHERE YOU ARE STANDING
If you haven't watched Malcolm in the Middle you should. The show is epic on all accounts. The main storyline is about a family that has 4 boys that drive the parents nuts, each episode revolves around the self-narration of their middle child Malcolm who recently found out he has a high IQ and is wedged in this loving but chaotic family. His family is middle class and struggling; they have the worst house on the street, they have a chaotic but warm home life that is all too relatable if you have a bigger family. One of the best parts of the show is the parents; Hal and Lois Wilkerson.
Hal is the classic dad, a little off, a little goofy but madly in love with his wife and devoted father. Lois is the end result of being a mom of 4 barbarian boys, she is strong, blunt, always one step ahead of her boys to keep them out of prison, and a fearless defender of her tameless boys. We are rewatching the show now with our oldest son and he absolutely loves it. Rewatching the show I heard one of the most beautiful truths about marriage I think I ever heard. Let them know where they stand.
The show came out late 90's and has all the grunge and flannel to prove it, along with many metaphors and landline phone use that would be lost on most viewers today the show carries a theme that is almost obsolete from TV in general now. A loving father who cares very much about the relationship with his wife. Hal Wilkerson is in love with his wife and seldom thinks of anything else but being the best for her, or at least the best he can be.
In one episode they had to have their house tented and gassed to kill the amazing infestation of bugs that were found in the walls. The family not having enough money to rent a hotel had to borrow a camper with no AC to living in on their front lawn during the summer.
What a great and terrifying idea for an episode. Take a family with all their real-life problems and make it harder on them by sticking them in a smaller space, hot, and without the comfort of home for a week. A dread any family can relate to.
The episode starts with a minor argument fueled by the stress of trailer life between Hal and Lois; then intermittently the show comes back around to them still fighting and neither ready to forgive one another digging in deeper each time. Hal starts to realize this is a bad situation getting worse saying "it's been three days and we still haven't forgiven each other, that's so strange!" He begins on a sojourn of sorts having to sleep on the lawn now being kicked out of the camper by his wife, he ponders life in a dimwit sort of way but is truly concerned about why he and his wife can't seem to get over themselves.
The main storyline was about how Malcolm babysitting for another family that was rich, calm, scheduled, and a clear upgrade from his current situation. Later the veil comes off and he realizes that this new family is steeped in secrecy and untimely toxic underneath the polished first appearance. Malcolm is distraught - and disillusioned with the grass not being as green as he thought; quits his job and walks home to his family living on the lawn. He sits by his dad doing dishes in a bucket outside the trailer, and they have a heart-to-heart.
Hal compassionately walks through what's bothering his son and in the process Malcolm realizes his family may be uncivilized, uncultured, and uneducated BUT you always know where you stand because of their honesty, and because of that he knew they will always be there for him no matter what. Just as Hal comforts his son by assuring him of this - Suddenly- he drops a dish and says "OH MY LORD...SEX" he immediately gets in his car and you hear him tear out of the driveway. The next to last scene is Lois tucking in all her boys who are sleeping soundly when Hal burst into the camper holding a large brown bag. He grabs Lois and pulls her outside. He then gives a brilliant little speech.
" I figured it out I figured out why this has been going on so long - see we always fight, I yell at you, you yell at me and then that would be that, and then you know we'd always …..(shakes his head in a yadda yadda sorta way) but this time we didn't have a chance to because we're in a trailer with the kids and ..." just then Lois interrupts "OH MY GOD HAL YOU'RE RIGHT!.... well what are we going to do, we cant now we got the kids in the trailer..."
Hal gets a smug confident look on his face, reaches into the bag, and pulls out his brilliant idea. Two gasmasks. Lois looks at him and gives him the bedroom eyes, and he looks back at her like the cat that ate the canary. The scene cuts to them both hand in hand wearing the gas masks and opening the tent to the house, gas pouring out of the tented home then the Delfonics play softly...
La la la la la la la la la means
I love you
JUST BRILLIANT - I just couldn't love that moment more! In all its humor and camp; it gives us a simple, unshakable truth about marriage. You cannot focus on the fight, what's wrong, who's right, your hurt, their hurt, who said what, or whatever else you're fighting about. You need to let them know where they stand. That's just what Hal did, he didn't try to fix the problem he knew he probably couldn't anyway. He took his bride by the hand and let her know where she stands.
No matter the situation, no matter the fight, no matter the camper full of chaos that life gives us, we need to stop, and put on a gas mask, get into the tent!